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Pregnancy & Birth :
Maeven's Birth Story

I checked my pregnancy books and they all said to call the doctor. So...I called and when the on-call dr. called me back, she told me to put a pad on and walk around, and if I continue to leak, go to the hospital. So I did...and I did continue to leak. Little gushes now and then. Weird feeling. But I still didn't want to wake Adam yet. So I called Sara (my doula) to tell her things are happening. She suggested not going in yet, since I was having no sign of contractions yet. So I waited.

FIRST MISTAKE: I should have slept!!

But I was too excited...Instead, I walked around the house, trying to encourage contractions and cleaned up little things here and there...our house was a MESS! (And I never did get it all straightened.) Even got a bunch of dishes done...with TV on in the background to distract me. Still didn't want to wake Adam up...I didn't need him yet...no pain. So I killed time.

Sara wanted me to call her back in an hour. But nothing was happening still in an hour...so I waited 2. Called her at 6am (I should have let her sleep...she ended up with only a couple hours sleep and I think this later influenced my birth outcome because she was not rested enough, and possibly not experienced enough, to be able to positively influence my labor as much as she possibly could have. I do NOT blame Sara, though. We all did the best we could with the knowledge and abilities we had at the time.)...still not much happening, but I thought I was starting to have very mild contractions. Sara suggested calling the dr. back and find out if it would be ok to wait a little longer before going in. Dr. said she really felt I should go in (of course she did, she's an OB and they are trained to deal with birth as an emergency and mostly only think of worst case scenarios). But she also told me my dr. would be on-call in a half hour. It was up to me what I wanted to do. I decided to wait and talk to my doctor. Half hour later he told me I could wait a little longer if I wanted, before going in...since I had recently felt baby movement. YAY!

Now was the time to wake Adam up. Talk about excited! He was so cute! I went in and he opened his eyes when I walked in (by this point it was after 7am and he was about ready to get up for work.) I told him my water had broken and he said something like "who?" Me, you dork!! LOL! Once he figured out what I was talking about, he was all smiles and excitement. So for the next hour or so, we rushed around the house in excitement, getting things all packed up to go. (We were only half-prepared...still had alot to pack.)

SECOND MISTAKE: We went in WAAAAAAAAAY too early! Shoulda waited for active labor...I was FAR from it. I really feel in retrospect that the hospital greatly impeded my progress...just the atmosphere alone is intimidating...not to mention the way they approach birth as an emergency.

By the time we bundled everything into the car to go, I was definitely having contractions. Still really mild, but there nonetheless. And making it all feel more real. But still no pattern in the timing of the contractions.

Adam videotaped our ride to the hospital. LOL.

When we got to the hosptial, Labor/Delivery was full, so we started in an overflow room on postpartum side. Sara met us there and we all really enjoyed the beginning of labor. Very mild, not particularly painful contractions. Sara helped me once they started getting more painful...we breathed through them and did ALOT of walking...coming back every hour for 20 minutes of monitoring. (Can you say OVERKILL?) We noticed that most of the time when I was lying in bed to be monitored, my contrax slowed or stopped. Not good...but not surprising. Moving around kept the contrax coming.

THIRD MISTAKE: We should have insisted on MUCH less frequent monitoring, and to have me upright during it, since laying down pretty much stopped labor every time...it was too much and greatly inhibited my progression. I also think just being in the hospital, out of my comfort zone, influenced my progress.

This went on, with the contractions increasing in frequency, intensity, and duration for approximately 18 hours total, without any meds. Problem was, since my water broke, I was on the hospital's strict time frame of 24 hours to deliver. (Looming over me the entire time. Talk about pressure!) And by this time we had hoped to be pretty well dialated and such. This was not the case. At one point, I was having strong, painful contractions for like 4 hours straight and only gained one centimeter in dialation. By the feel of the contractions, things were moving along nicely...but by the internal exams...it didn't appear to be so. (I've since learned that dialation works on its own time table, not always on a regular pattern of a centimeter an hour or such...and it wasn't really a big deal that I wasn't that dialated yet, as sometimes contractions will kick in hard and fast and dialate many centimeters at once near the end...but still I had everyone hovering over me and watching the clock...not very conducive to progressing!)

Because normal contractions at this point were usually 30-60seconds or so, and mine were often lasting 4-5 MINUTES, with very little breaks in between...And since I really wanted this done naturally...no meds...I was quickly getting exhausted. My body's natural contractions were being compared to pitocin-induced contractions. And I was dealing with all this on about 3 hours sleep and no food. (Do marathon runners do marathons on no food? Hospitals are so backwards when it comes to birth!)

At around 18-20hours past my water breaking (can't remember exactly), I was put on an IV antibiotic...this because of the "risk of infection"...And I knew I didn't have much time left before the baby HAD to be out, according to doctor/hospital policy. Most doctors/hospitals give you 24hours. I knew this without them telling me...the hovering was a good indication.

By this point I was starting to rethink my "no meds" stance...and the nurses were leaning on me to have pitocin because my cervix was just not opening fast enough for them...at the rate it was going, it felt like it could be DAYS before I was fully dialated. (Remember how I said I learned the cervix doesn't dialate in a regular pattern? Too bad I didn't know this at the time.) And believe me, we were doing everything we could think of to speed things along. Sara had me doing squats, walking alot, and some other things I can't even remember anymore...all to encourage my cervix to OPEN. Nothing seemed to be helping much.

So, about 20 hours or so into the ordeal, we began seriously looking at the pitocin option. This scared the HELL out of me, because Sara told me it would make my contractions 25-30% stronger, and already I was losing my grip on reality from the strength of my natural ones! I fought it as long as I could, but with me constantly being reminded of our 24hour time frame drawing nearer and nearer, I just had to face the reality of this being something I had to try, if I really wanted to avoid a c-section. Hmmmm...pitocin or c-section? I'll take the pitocin and hope to possibly still be able to deliver vaginally.

FOURTH MISTAKE: That first intervention started a downward spiral...which turned my birth experience into everything I did NOT want...I now believe that had I had more knowledge and held out longer (kept rejecting the interventions), we would have been fine and I most likely would have been able to deliver vaginally just fine. Maeven and I never had any real problems throughout labor. Neither of us were ever in any danger. Its just the way of hospital birth to treat birth as a dangerous situation that caused things to turn out the way they did.

So...terrified of what was to come (already delirious and exhausted from my natural contractions, which still only had me at 4cm dialated, 100% effaced, baby at 0 station...I should also point out that Maeven never really dropped fully...we found out after the c-section that she was "sunnyside up", which was probably part of the problem...she wasn't able to drop down and put pressure on my cervix. There was no one at my birth who noticed this, or even checked, as far as I know...and there are ways to check this and ways to turn that baby. Live and learn.) I agreed to the pitocin...but only on the condition that pain meds be right on hand for quick administering (I decided by this point to HELL with my no meds stance. I already had given up a natural birth by agreeing to pitocin, might as well get the pain meds as well.)

I don't remember a whole lot of what happened around that time. One thing I do remember...once I had pitocin, I don't remember there being any significant change to my contractions. So, my natural contractions had been bad enough for me not to notice a difference in intensity. Ouch. I also remember begging for Stadol (narcotic pain med)...they had told me it was best to have pitocin first, let it work a little, then have Stadol. (I wanted the pain med FIRST) I did NOT like this, but they said something about Stadol interfering with the pitocin if given first...so since it was MUCH more important that the pitocin worked to move things along...I agreed to do it in that order, but kept asking if it was ok to have the Stadol now.

Finally got the Stadol, 20 minutes or so into the pitocin...and it made me sleep...only to be awoken with each contraction practically screaming in pain, then conk out again after. I kept saying how much I didn't understand, why wasn't the Stadol working? Why did it still HURT SO MUCH???? Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...not much I remember clearly from my Stadol experience...I was way drugged up and still in PAIN. Did NOT help me cope with the contractions AT ALL. (Worse, actually, because I had no control over my senses.)

So...next step...epidural. I really don't know when this came up...but there came a point shortly after the realization that the Stadol was a washout that it was plain to me that the only way I was going to make it to the birth of my child (since the pit still DIDN'T seem to be helping my cervix open any faster) was to have the dreaded epidural. I say dreaded because I have always been SO dead-set against getting one because I really wanted to fully experience the birth of my child, and I knew that epi's were known for making it difficult to push (since you can't feel much) and often set you up for a c-section. Well, since I had given it my ALL up to this point, fighting against intervention every step of the way (I did go like 24hours with OUT pain meds or any interventions)...I felt my last ditch effort for a vaginal birth lay in the relief I would get from the epidural. I knew that things were still taking way too long and I was just not going to make it without a break from all the excrutiating pain. (I was like a wild animal at this point...not able to reason very well anymore...) I had pretty much lost all hope.

So, I said SCREW IT...give me the epidural, I'm DYING here! I've since learned a lot about epidurals that, had I known at the time, I would have turned it down. The biggest being that it actually IMPEDES progression and decreases oxygen to the baby (hence the oxygen mask I was later put on.)

I no longer felt bad at that point about the interventions...I knew I had done everything within my power to do things naturally...but I felt like nature was just not on my side. (I have since realized all my mistakes and feel strongly that they helped to create the problems I had.) And we were already passing the 24 hour since my water broke point...we had to do something to speed things up more! And me getting a chance to rest seemed like the next route.

For some reason, the dr. decided to let me go past the 24hour mark. At the time I was extremely appreciative...I felt he knew how much I wanted a vaginal delivery and was willing to give me a little more time to try to accomplish that....dunno if that was really true or not, but I thought that at the time.

Oh, by the way, through this whole ordeal Maeven hung in there like a trouper. Good strong heartbeat the entire time, except one scary moment when it dropped from 140/150 way down to the 80s...nurses came rushing in and fiddling with things...telling me to turn on this side, that side, to try to get the heartrate up again. Then one nurse put an internal heart monitor on the baby (where they stick an electrode to the baby's scalp with this metal corkscrew thingy...pierces the baby's skin.) I did NOT want this, but since I wasn't consulted and the circumstances were obviously an emergency, I kept my mouth shut. The baby's health was first and foremost.

In retrospect, I truly feel all the internal exams and monitors and such led to the problems we later had with Maeven...hospitals are full of nasty infectious elements...also I don't believe she was ever in any real danger...I've learned how error-prone fetal monitoring is since then and they probably just lost the beat for a bit while she shifted, which freaked them out.

Now picture this...I'm stuck in bed, have been since the pitocin, got iv hooked to pit drip and antibiotic, have a catheter in, and once the epidural was administered, I had that in my back and a blood pressure cuff on my arm going off every 15minutes, and then later they put an internal contraction monitor on me. I was calling myself "Franken Mommy." Of course, no leaving bed!

OK, epidural...Talk about an experience. First of all, the anesthesiologist had personality plus. NOT! He was middle eastern or something and VERY difficult to understand. Talked fast and garbled. Plus, he wasn't a particularly kind person. (Actually, he was a BASTARD!) And I'm not so sure about his professional ablilities because Sara says it took him 6 TIMES to get the catheter in my back! If you're not familiar with an epidural...they stick a needle in between the vertebrae in your back, then thread a catheter in and tape it in place, then tape it all up your back and over a shoulder and attach to an iv drip. But first they numb your back with a topical anesthetic...WHICH DIDN'T WORK...I still felt every stick! And let me tell you...needles going in between vertebrae are like no pain I've ever felt! And all this while I was hunched over, told not to move, death grip on my husband, moaning in pain (I was quite good at the moaning by this point) and here comes another MONDO CONTRACTION. "Keep still" the anesthesiologist says. Oh great. I may have nearly lost consciousness. <groan>

Ok, but the good part...the drug....Once that epidural kicked in, I was a NEW PERSON. I hadn't been verbal for HOURS. All of a sudden, I'm relaxed, I'm almost enjoying myself, and I'm talking a mile a minute...basically, my normal self. I felt I needed that after all I'd gone through already.

So I finally got some relief, and the rest of my labor experience was definitely better pain-wise....(although I blame the interventions for the final outcome) but there were still complications. The dang IV thingy for my epidural kept coming open! The part that was attached to my shoulder...Adam noticed that my gown was soaked up around this thing...told the nurse....she did NOTHING for 3 HOURS! By that time, I was feeling contractions again! And alot in my back...didn't realize at the time it was back labor (Maeven was "sunnyside up.") She said she'd tell the anesthesiologist, but I don't think she ever did. In any case, once he finally came, I had been without relief for awhile. He fixed the problem and gave me another dose and I felt MUCH BETTER. Kept laboring along...now unable to leave bed because of all the things I was hooked to. So we watched my contractions on the monitor.

Everytime I was checked, there was only slow progress, despite the fact that my pitocin drip was constantly being upped...I was getting more dialated, but S-L-O-W-L-Y. (Gee, do ya think it might have been because I was STUCK ON MY BACK IN BED????)

Next problem I had was that my epidural IV med ran out. Sara pointed out when it was running low...but again, the nurse (same one, I think) did nothing. So guess what? I started having pain again! Go figure. Finally they listened (didn't take as long this time) and replaced the bag and gave me more in the line to jumpstart it. Thank heavens. Relief again. But I think the anesthesiologist and nurses were really beginning to get annoyed with me. (As was evident by the fact that one of them told Sara I needed to stop whining. Nice. Sara was LIVID about my treatment.)

Laboring along...not much happening still...slow dialation...another problem...Epidural leaked AGAIN. This time the nurse fixed the problem fairly quickly. If I remember correctly, it was a new nurse...this one we liked. But still I was feeling pain, even though it appeared the epidural line was working...so we called again (I was hesitant because I got the feeling people were getting annoyed with me...particularly the anesthesiologist...) And here's where it got ugly. That bastard came in and barely glanced at the line and told me in a very condescending tone that the epidural was working fine, and then something like "if you can't handle a little pain...." Oh my GOD! Has HE ever felt labor pains before? I tried to explain that it appeared the medicine was not making it from the line to my back... At some point the nurse fiddled with it or something and the pain went away so I said something like "oh, whatever she just did worked...I'm fine now." (I just wanted him to leave!) But he completely ignored me as I told him this and THREE TIMES said I didn't need anymore doses (he had told me more would slow my progress and since I truly wasn't hurting anymore I didn't want more medicine! I didn't need to slow things down MORE!) He totally ignored me and gave me more, and with this air of total disgust with me no less. (Adam told me later that he said "let me decide," or something like that.) What a PRICK! All this rudeness in front of my parents, who had popped in to visit. Argh. But finally I was in no pain again.

So anyway...after all the drugs I had and being stuck in bed...nothing changed. I never dialated completely. Got to nearly 10cm at one point, but they said I had a "lip" ...a spot that was swollen...and they wanted to wait and let that go down (I've since learned there are many things you can do in this case...including pushing past it...they never gave me the option to try...and I've learned that the doc I had is known for pushing c-sections)...so guess what happened? We went backward...that's right, next time they checked me I was a "6 or 7." (My cervix was probably swelling at this point...perhaps because my body might have been pushing and I couldn't feel it to breathe through them...I couldn't feel a thing because of the epidural) Damn! I already had to throw out my "no meds" stance...I was at least hoping for a vaginal delivery! The doctor gave us one more hour. Mom and Sara rocked me back and forth from side to back to side for that entire hour...trying to encourage harder contractions....Everytime they moved me, I had stronger & longer contractions (as it showed on the monitor). It seemed to be working... (And since the epidural was working again...I was in no pain.)

Doctor came back and checked again. No change. DAMN! I was still a 7. That was that then. They let me go a whole 12 hours nearly past their 24 hour deadline. (Gee, how kind of them. Oh there's another mistake I made...shoulda lied about when my water broke...woulda bought me more time.) There were no more options. That baby had to come out, according to them. I asked the dr. if there were any other options and he said "well, you could leave it in there for 6 years." Guess that was a no.

So they prepped me for a c-section and in about 30 minutes or so, we finally got to meet our little Maeven! Now there was an amazing experience! Hearing her first cry and the doctor saying "it's a girl!" Oh, I cried! And when they took her to clean her up and Adam went to be with her and I heard her cries intensify...I SOOOOO wanted to be holding her and comforting her! I'll never forget that first moment of being a mom...and hurting SOOOOOO much for them to bring her to me because I could hear how much they were scaring her. That feeling haunts me to this day. Being strapped down into the crucifixion position, drugged and unable to comfort my child from that uncaring and heartless birth experience.

Adam went with the baby, since I was drugged up and being stitched up. (That made me so mad later...they must've given me something after they took her out that knocked me out...I could NOT stay awake!) I didn't get to hold her for 2 hours (I've since learned that this separation is NOT necessary, and is dependent upon the doctor you get...I know of a case in the same hospital with a different doctor that the baby was never taken away, and was immediately put to the breast while they stitched up the mom. They were never separated...I wasn't given this option.)...and by then we were both sleeping. But I finally got to hold her and it was bliss! She just couldn't stay awake to try nursing, though, so we didn't get to try that til the middle of the night...but she turned out to be a quick learner and was breastfeeding like a pro in no time!

So, she was born Saturday, November 4, 2000 at 2:17pm weighing 7lbs 4oz and was 21 3/4 inches long...beautiful and healthy! Or so we thought...We had one night with her and the next night we got the horrible news that her 2nd blood culture came back with a bacterial infection...they say this was because of my waters being broken for 35.5 hours before she was born. She had to go to the nursery to be put on IV antibiotics for 7 days! We were heartbroken! Neither of us could bear to part with her! The thought of being in that lonely hospital room without her...just killed us....and the thought of her being cared for by strangers for a whole week too!

And to make matters worse...when we got there and witnessed an IV being put in her tiny little hand...all we could do was stand there teary eyed and stroke her face. It was horrible. She SCREAMED and I wanted to join her! Adam was burying his face in my shoulder behind me sniffling, and I was trying my hardest to not go ape on the nurse that was hurting my baby! I had a very bad feeling about the whole situation that nite...and the nursery nurse that nite didn't help matters by calling the babies that were crying (not ours, others) "spoiled" because mommy and daddy held them all day. For pete's sake! How old are they? 1, 2 days? How the HELL is that spoiled? Those are LUCKY babies! I was really worried how she would treat our baby and didn't want to leave Maeven in this horrible woman's care. I lingered in the nursery that night til around 2am, feeding and holding Maeven. And for the next 7 days, we went back and forth between nursery and postpartum...not a fun experience. Every day they poked and prodded our little girl...she got a new IV nearly every day! IV started in one hand, then that one failed, and they switched to the other hand...and on Wed. (11/8/00) was the worst...they couldn't get a new IV in...spent a good part of the day going back and forth...they'd try to get one in a couple places, fail, and send her to us to rest, eat, calm down...then we'd have to send her back to be poked again...this happened a couple times, then they sent for a lady from outside to come try. (She was really good, apparently...) And it took HER 3 tries! I really don't know what all Maeven went through this day because they wouldn't let us stay during the procedures...but it couldn't have been fun! She ended up with an IV in her head! But the nurses were all very friendly and supportive, so that helped...we were losing it by the time they finally got a good one in! I spent alot of time that day real depressed, sad, worried, and of course, crying. The waiting was hell. When they finally told us they got one in, we were SOOO relieved it was over! For then, at least.

After that, though, that IV lasted 3 days! So that was good. And Maeven was still doing real well through all of this. Despite her having needle wounds all over. (The worst for me was when I was there when they took some blood for a blood test...they poked her little heel, which was already sore from all the glucose tests...over and over and MILKED it for a tiny vial of blood! Took FOREVER! And she SHRIEKED the whole time...all I could do was stroke her face and talk to her and try not to cry.) By Sunday, we were all SO glad to go home!

The doctor gave her a clean bill of health on Sunday...she was 8 days old and still had never had any fresh air! Only seen the insides of the hospital!

After Wed. I was no longer a patient, but was allowed to stay in an extra room because I was breastfeeding...Adam had to go home though. So during the days, Adam and I spent most of our time in the nursery with Maeven and at night, he went home and I slept in between feedings...they called me whenever she woke up and I walked all the way down to the nursery many times a night to feed her. We managed.

But I tell you what, by Sunday we were all SOOOO ready to go HOME!! What joy to finally leave the hospital! I spent 9 days there and got to know most of the staff and was just so ready to have my baby home!

What a nightmare experience. I still feel horrible about Maeven's first experiences. It makes me want to cry to remember her nursery stay and all they did to her. In retrospect, and seeing how she's turned out to be so sensitive...I really think that first week has influenced Maeven's personality greatly. And not in a positive way. Maeven is super sensitive to pain, screams her head off for every bump and scrape. And is hyper emotional and fearful...very prone to crying and screaming and has been since birth. Perhaps she would have been that way anyway, but I can't help but wonder if on some level she was changed because of her first week of hell.

The next birth will be SO different. It has to be. I want a homebirth next time...Adam's not keen on the idea yet. We'll see what happens when the time comes.

*NOTE: The next birth was so very very different. It took half the time and was everything that my first birth was not. We did it at home with a marvelous midwife. The labor and birth were pretty fantastic in comparison to my first experience...I did get to birth Baelin vaginally...But sadly, the outcome was horrific in that our baby boy was born dead. A complete autopsy showed no cause of death. No one knows why he died. But I fully believe that his being born at home had nothing to do with it.

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