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Hmmm, good question.
Well, there are many ways
of seeing what has come to be seen as "attachment
parenting." I will tell you my interpretation. But if
you want more info, please check out my
AP
Links page, or do your own search on the net...There
is an ENORMOUS amount of AP sites out there.
My explanation of
Attachment Parenting...
Attachment parenting is a
style of parenting which puts great emphasis on the
value of children and their feelings. Also called
"empathic parenting", AP parenting usually involves
promptly responding to children in need. A child crying
is seen as a child in need, and is not left to "cry it
out" ("CIO"). AP families usually are very against the
whole "CIO" philosophy. AP parents generally believe
that children, babies in particular, need to learn to
trust their caregivers, and ignoring their cries is
detrimental to this building of trust.
AP parents also tend to
believe in gentle, or
positive discipline. This does NOT mean they are
permissive. As is true of anything in society, there of
course are always parents who ARE permissive, or viewed
that way by others, but permissiveness is not part of
AP. Just as AP parents see punitive discipline as
detrimental to their child, permissiveness is usually
also seen negatively. AP parents often believe in
teaching children through modeling, natural & logical
consequences, and other such practices. Spanking and
other forms of punishment are generally not used. AP
families usually believe that hitting a child teaches
violence, is cruel, and doesn't work. Instead, children
are nurtured and taught that there are consequences to
their actions, but those consequences do not include the
threat of physical harm. Here's an excellent quote by
Penelope Leach on this subject:
"Children are the only
people in this society anybody is allowed to hit. All
the rest of us are legally protected."
For more info on
alternative discipline techniques, often used by AP
parents...check out
these links.
Another practice that is
common amongst AP'rs, is the practice of "babywearing."
This is why you will often see AP youngsters being
carried alot, especially in a sling or other such baby
carrier. AP parents believe that babies in particular
not only want, but NEED to be held and cuddled and
handled alot. The benefits of this "in-arms
phase" (a term coined by Jean Liedloff, author of
"The Continuum Concept,") are a closeness with their
parents that is seen as extremely crucial to an
"attached" baby. Now, "attached" is not synonymous with
"clingy". Yes, some "attached" children may be viewed by
others as "clingy"...but AP parents tend to feel that
clinginess is something normal to many children's
personalities (just as shyness is normal for many, but
not all children). AP families often feel that a clingy
child who is parented with love & respect & not forced
away from their parent(s) before they are ready, will
grow to be self-confident & independent when they are
ready. In their own time. Attachment Parenting is very
much about the CHILD's readiness, not the parent's.
Breastfeeding is
generally the norm in AP families, (barring any extreme
physical or environmental problems,) especially extended
breastfeeding...often into the toddler and even
preschool years. (You will probably find that many, if
not most,
La
Leche League members are AP.) AP families often like
to allow their children to self-wean, at their own pace,
when they are ready. This is a practice that is common
worldwide, and is often seen in many countries as late
as age 5 or 6 years or older. (In our bottlefeeding
Western society, the average age of weaning is 3
months!) AP moms tend to relish the closeness with their
children that breastfeeding allows, and value the
physical and emotional benefits they know their children
continue to receive, even far past what is considered
"normal" in our culture.
(Did you know that when a
baby reaches 18months, that the mother's milk goes
through a transformation and becomes concentrated with
extra vitamins and nutrients, similar to the quality it
had for a new baby? This is because the mother's body
knows that the baby is going into a stage of great
development and s/he will need extra nutrients to
thrive! A weaned baby misses out on this.)
They feel that a child that is allowed to wean
her/hisself when s/he is ready will do so once the need
is met. This is a
common feeling among AP parents in all areas, that when
something is taken away from a child before the need is
fulfilled, this need (such as breastfeeding) will affect
the child later in life and will cause future negative
consequences. These consequences may not be obvious, and
may even be subconscious, but they are there
nonetheless. Here's a great quote by Tine Thevenin,
author of "The Family Bed," on this subject of needs...
- A child who has
his needs fulfilled will become an independent,
secure person. But independence cannot be forced
upon someone. It takes time and growing at the
individual's own pace. The more secure he is in the
knowledge that he can always come back to his
parents, the more independent he will become. We
will only create problems if we regard his needing
us at night as a problem which should be "cured."
Often they also continue
to breastfeed far past the norm because of the health
benefits that are known to stave off many allergies and
other health problems. Children far past the "normal"
Western weaning age continue to reap the benefits of
their mother's antibodies and the health benefits
continue to be significant.
Another common practice
in AP families is the family bed. Most AP families have
practiced or currently practice some form of
co-sleeping. Either with children sharing the family
bed, or with a "side-car" attached to the bed, or a crib
or other such bed in the room near the parental bed,
etc... Another possibility is siblings sharing beds.
Most AP'rs know the value of nighttime parenting. AP
parents enjoy their children's closeness throughout the
night, and do not believe that it is necessary to "sleep
train." AP'rs tend to believe that children will learn
to sleep on their own when they are ready, and don't
need strict, often harsh, training methods to force them
to do so before they are ready. Most AP parents of older
children will tell you that children DO eventually leave
the family bed
(despite what those who don't family bed might
say...family bedders do NOT have teenagers sleeping with
them!) and move on to
their own beds...and until that happens, the family that
sleeps together enjoys a closeness that is not possible
with babies forced to cry themselves to sleep down the
hall from the arms that they so desperately want to have
around them, comforting them in the darkness. A bonus
benefit to shared sleep is the reduced risk of
SIDS. Contrary to popular belief, many more children
die alone in cribs (hence, the term "crib death") than
do in the family bed. Babies who sleep with their
mommies develop sleep patterns that are in-sync with
their mother's sleep. This actually helps the baby
"learn" to sleep. There are many that theorize that one
possible cause of SIDS may be a baby's immature body
"forgetting" to breathe (or sleep apnea)...alone in a
crib, with no one to notice that they've stopped
breathing, babies suffocate...but in the family bed next
to mommy, their mother's breathing next to them
"reminds" their body to breathe. Also, mothers sleeping
next to their infants tend to wake if anything is wrong
with their baby & can thus, sometimes, prevent
tragedy...where a mother down the hall would be
oblivious to the danger happening. Of course, there's
also the pure joy and comfort of sleeping with one's
children that causes this practice to be so common!
(A majority of
parents, AP or not, will confess to having "shared
sleep" with their children at least temporarily in their
lives together.)
Those are some of the
most common characteristics among Attachment Parenting
parents. There are of course variations...some families
pick and choose among these practices...many do not
follow all of them. You will also often find that alot
of AP parents are just generally into anything that is
natural...we are often "tree-huggers",
"environmentalists", etc...Many of us cloth diaper our
children, buy organic foods, don't circumcise our sons,
spend time in nature, homeschool, and many other
"natural" or "back to basics" practices. Oh yes, we are
weirdos...LOL! (Laugh Out Loud) Imagine, teaching
children to love and respect all life, including
themselves! Woah...now there's a concept. |
